Not too many years ago, I was rushed into emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed. I'd been suffering from many gall bladder attacks for the past 2 years and the pain had become excruciating, worse than any pregnancy I'd ever had. A long and painful test showed my gall bladder had stopped working and may have become infected. Emergency surgery saved my life. The surgeon said it was full of gangrene and had blown up to twice its normal size. If he had operated a half hour later, I would have been a dead woman.
I was so thankful to be alive--and to have no more pain! But overshadowing all my joy was the price of the operation. You see, we'd just moved back to Michigan after working in Oklahoma at a missionary school. My husband had found a new job, but his insurance benefits wouldn't kick in for another month. Therefore, the burden of the hospital bill was all on our shoulders. Over $18,000! Our parents helped in paying the surgeon's fees, but there was still $13,000 unaccounted for. How would we ever pay it all?
We explained our circumstances to the hospital. And they tried to work with us in finding some agency or some loophole to help. They were extremely compassionate, but it was no use. We had to pay the bill. We promised to give $200 a month; that was all we could afford. So for the next 2 years, I faithfully wrote them a check each month, knowing I'd be paying off this bill for the rest of our lives.
But then one day, I heard from the hospital. They had just had an audit in the record's department. Random files had been chosen for the audit and mine was one of them. The auditor was shocked to find someone with no health insurance faithfully paying $200 each and every month (and occasionally $300 when we had a little extra). The auditor kept shaking his head. He just couldn't believe it!
In the end, he decided to write off the remainder of my debt to the hospital. They would accept the amount they would have received from the insurance company if we'd been insured at the time. This meant we only had to pay $160 more! The lady who called me that day asked, "Could I pay that much this month?" With tears streaming down my face, I answered, "Yes, oh yes!" Then I began to cry, she began to cry, and together we rejoiced in the goodness of the Lord.
I've never felt more free than on that day--when my debt at the hospital was gone! I felt like the servant in one of Jesus' parables. He said, "The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that the payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying "Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all." Then the Master of the servant was moved with compassion, released him and forgave the debt" (Matthew 18:23-27).
If only the story had ended there. But it didn't. The forgiveness of the king didn't seem to touch that servant very deeply. For as soon as he walked away from the king's presence, he found someone who owed him 100 denarii. Historians tell us the daily wage for a common unskilled laborer was 1 denarius a day (or about $20 in bread). By this estimate, 100 denarii would amount to about $2000 today. In comparison, the debt of 10,000 talents (which the king had cancelled) was worth 150,000 years of wages! This man had been forgiven so much! And yet, he was unwilling to forgive the small debt owed to him! The Bible says he was deaf to the cries of his fellow servant and had him thrown into prison until he could pay off his bill.
It's easy to shake your head in disbelief at this wicked servant--how heartless could he be! After being forgiven so much, why wouldn't he show the same compassion that was just shown to him? It's hard to understand, isn't it? But it happens much more than we think. Anytime I refuse to forgive, I follow in his footsteps. And I find myself imprisoned by my own bitterness or resentment, far away from my King.
In my new journey with Jesus, I've discovered the incredible freedom that forgiveness brings. For over a year, I'd suffered emotional abuse by a man who heartlessly bullied and harassed me. He belittled me in front of others, spread lies behind my back, sought to destroy my reputation, and so much more. I became so wounded that I couldn't sleep at night. And my health was hitting the skids. For a long time, I didn't realize what was really happening. But somehow, the Lord opened my eyes and I cried to Him for help.
Only through the grace of God, could I forgive this man! I remember the day it happened. I was in church, listening to my pastor preach. I can't remember the title of the sermon, but I do remember the words he shared. He said, "Do not be afraid, only believe" (Mark 5:36). Just one little sentence brought me healing. And from that day forward, I was able to look that man in the eye--with absolutely no fear. I have no bitterness toward him and no resentment. And I'm able to talk with him just as if nothing had happened. I've never felt so free!
Until I was healed, intimacy with Christ was always beyond my grasp. And I didn't know why. But I've since learned that when I'm consumed with anger (because of the pain someone's inflicted), there's no room for Jesus. Jesus can't stay with me in a divided heart. If I allow anger (or fear or bitterness) to rule on my heart's throne, Jesus will stay outside. He won't leave me because He longs to come in and replace my stony heart with His own. But as long as I allow anything to have greater control over me than God, intimacy with Jesus can never happen. We never be one with Him.
But when I put those feelings into God's hands, the healing can begin. I may still remember the hurt, but I'll know the freedom that comes from passing on the same forgiveness Jesus gives to me. And there's no greater freedom than moving past the pain into a new life with God!
And there's another way forgiveness brings intimacy. When you forgive, you're stepping into the 'shoes' of Jesus. As the soldiers drove the nails into His hands and feet, His only prayer for His tormentors was, "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34). That compassion was for your sins and mine. We virtually drove the spikes into our Savior's hands, nailing Him to the cross. But as He hung as our substitute that day--paying the bloody price for our sins--He canceled our enormous debt. And it was such a debt that we could never pay it back--not even in a million years! Only the precious blood of Jesus could free us from the penalty of sin. And only His precious blood can free us to forgive each another and enjoy perfect communion with Christ. It's a gift Jesus offers in both cases. The question is--will we take it? Will we receive His gifts today?
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